Princess Me
by unouloveme
Summary: Madison hates Mia. Mia hates Madison. Madison's living with Mia; can you say fugly? Cousins at war is never a good thing, especially when said cousin is adored by everyone. SUMMARY REVISED!
1. NYC: The Capital of Fug

**Please R&R. This is my first ever fanfiction thing so be kind! Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise i.e Any of the Princess Diaries characters. I do own Madison.**

13th March 2005

My House, Beverley Hills

Oh My God. Are they kidding me? Seriously. Do they think that spending some time with my freakish cousin is going to make me 'change my ways'?

Apparently people aren't allowed freedom of speech anymore. I was merely pointing out to Gretchen that she needs to learn that green is simply not her color. Trust her to take it too far and go to the principal who had to talk to my parents who told me that I needed to get over myself so to do that they wanted to send me to Mia in New York to live with her and her mom and step-father and brother.

One word: yuck.

I mean New York is cool but are Mia is another story. She is this freak Princess of this stupid county in Europe, Geneva or something and that automatically made her into America's freaking princess. Seriously, my family adore her. She's like a saint or something.

The last time I saw her was like four years ago and I went to New York with my Mom to go shopping for some new shoes (Prada flats, adore!). She completely embarrassed us in the middle of Barney's and dragged us to Bloomingdale's to go see some art thing. Yuck. Anyway, ever since then I've tried to avoid her and the families haven't met up for ages.

For a start, there is a huge difference between me and her. My dad, her mom's brother (they don't talk, at least, until recently) made his billions in the world of food produce and I've always been my family's little princess. I guess I get everything I want, I'm not afraid to admit it. My school all practically worship me and I hold the very prestigious title of Miss Bourke Hill 2005.

Oh God. I've just remembered. Once my Mom and Dad found out that I had been not so nice to some people in my school they told me I couldn't take part in Miss Teenage California! What are they trying to do? It's like their all joined in some sort of conspiracy to like, ruin my life. That's so….yuck.

Now I have to pack all my stuff to go to New York. Great. I mean, New York is completely cool but Mia is so fugly. Seriously, she is like fug queen. I don't care what they say; her makeover sucked. She's never inherited any sort of prettiness but then again, you only have to look at her family to see why. My grandparents are the definition of fug. They live in this yuck town somewhere in the wilds of America, you know, a place no self-respecting person would ever go. I only see them at Christmas when they come to California for like a week before Christmas so they can see us (although I think it's really so Grandma can get a Jacuzzi for free) and they always bring some stupid tree with them for 'Christmas Wishes'. Oh, and they grow it. They're so yuck.

Anyway, they adore Mia and her stupid cat (Fatty?). Anyway, she gets money (like 100 at a time). God, grandparents are so fugly. Mia is such a goody girl. Can she do any wrong? My Mom is so right. She always says 'Honey, she may be princess, but she has no style,' and you know, she is so right. Her Dad is a millionaire (he's so poor). You think she could afford some decent clothes. What is with those overalls, fugly or what? I guess we should figure that, Aunt Helen (her mother) is like a huge crazy art woman. Mom says that's why she married Mia's algebra teacher and then had a baby with him. Rocky is like the cutest thing ever. I saw a picture of him and I so almost melted. I'm almost glad I can go to New York and spoil him with all those adorable baby clothes that I know Barney's has. This is so exciting.

The down side being school of course. Now I have to go and finish my senior year with Mia and her freaky friends (Lilly who I swear to God looks like a pug) and try to climb my way up a new social ladder. It's not like that'll be hard; I know so many girls in New York. I met them all at this North Carolina tennis boot camp I went to last summer. It's only what my reputation will be like when people find out I'm living with Mia.

Yuck.

Dad told me I would get a credit card to take with me (apparently I'm too irresponsible to take my old one with me) so I guess I'm not completely poor. Maybe I should take my pillow with me as well, Aunt Helen is not the type of person I can visualize paying for a maid. God, I'm so going to miss Anna. She is like a saint. She cooks, cleans and is basically the best ever maid, like ever. She's so sweet and has son who lives in Spain (he's got a wife and like, 10 kids).

Yuck. Who'll make my bed? That's so yuck. Nobody in California does that. I live in this huge house in Beverley Hill (Orange County is so overrated). I mean, I have like five maids in my house (Anna is so the sweetest). They do everything for me. Yuck, Helen might make me make my own food. She so won't know what a card-free diet is. Yuck, I'll have to watch that Lifetime Movie's for Women or something like that all the time. Mia is supposed to love that stupid thing. Has she never heard of MTV? Yuck.

What do people actually wear in New York? In California we can wear skirts all the time AND sunbathe all year; what the hell do people move away for? And we have Rodeo Drive. God, I love Rodeo Drive. Now I have to go East Coast, does that mean I have to go brunette? Brunette is like East Coast color isn't it?

God, I have to call Shelley, she'll know exactly what to do. She's from New York and moved to California like a million years ago. Yuck, yuck, yuck.


	2. I Am So Sure

15th February 2005

Homeroom

Why does my mother constantly try to ruin my life? Why? It is evidently not enough that I spend all my time at princess lessons, school or doing anything else that I have to do that I also have to look after my bitchy cousin from California.

Okay, so Madison wasn't always like this super bitch but when I was like seven she turned so nasty, probably due to the billions her dad made from his stupid company. Anyway, we don't talk. At least, until her mom thought she could do with a lesson on the real world and sent her straight to New York.

So now I have to go straight from school tomorrow to the airport to pick up said cousin. Great.

I told Lilly and she was all for going to the UN and declare I was being held against my will but my mom overheard is talking and said that if I did such a thing there would be no Lifetime Movie Channel for Women for a month which I think is a complete travesty of justice so I told Lilly to shut up.

It's not like we have anything in common. She's this rich valley girl with princess tattooed across her forehead and I'm like this real princess who is the furthest thing from what an actual princess should be. It really sucks. I know that once Grandmere takes one look at her she will fall in love with her and Genovia will have a new honorary princess that everyone will adore and I'll just be Queen Mia the old hag who never has any fun because she's too busy stressing about serious stuff.

She's like a miniature Paris Hilton. She is, I swear. When I went to visit her one year she had this huge big crowd of people hanging around her. She's like teen royalty and what's worse is that she knows it. Her dad gave her a personal credit card when she was thirteen and ever since then she's been spending enough money in one month to clear an entire third world country of their debt problems, I swear. She just shops, like all the time. And she has this really annoying best friend called Shelley who is the stupidest person I think I have ever met in my life. She says her hair can predict the next big trend (I am so sure) and that her parents called her Shelley after reading about the powers of healing children with names relating to the sea have. Seriously deluded people obviously.

And worse still, she'll be coming to my school. Albert Einstein High School, where I am notorious for being a freak, a nerd and anything else Lana Weinberger can come up with to make me even more of a social disaster.

I had to go into this really embarrassing meeting with Principal Gupta who was wondering about my cousin. She practically died when I told her she was from California; apparently she has this huge big admiration thing going on for anyone from California.

And then Lana found out. She was all 'Hey Mia is your cousin a freak like you?' and I was all 'Shut up Lana' and Lilly was all 'Lana, you're a...' and then Mr G stopped her and gave her a punishment for swearing in school. To which Lilly set down an hour's worth of reading about how she never actually swore and nobody could prove she was going to; she could just have been calling Lana an idiot. Mr G told her to go away and let her off the punishment, probably for an easy life.

Anyway, I have Bio next which completely bombs and then I have to go to see Mrs Harris, who is the schools guidance tutor or something. Whatever, it sucks anyway.


	3. How Many Times Can I Say 'Ew?

Hugs to all who reviewed! I'm sorry an update took so long; it wasn't meant to! I hope this chapter is okay and that everyone likes it. I'm sorry if you think some words are used too much but I think it adds to Madison. If you have any ideas, tell me them!

**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognise I don't own.

16th March 2005

JFK Airport, New York

Ew. That was like, the worse plane journey ever. Actually, the entire day just bombed. I had to get up at 6:00am after spending all last night out with my friends (good-bye parties are so stellar; my new word borrowed from Chelsea!). Leaving that early did nothing for me; I need eight hours to look my best.

We arrived at LAX, like, ten seconds late and the fugly woman at the checkout said that I couldn't go first class because I was late. I was angry for sure. She told us she had one seat left in economy (what the hell!) and that was all. My dad offered her $500 to get a seat for me and this woman just stood there! God, why are people so fugly? Have they never heard of a little common courtesy before? Can they say 'ew'?

Then as I'm walking through the terminal some jackass decided to spill his coffee (Starbucks, I read the label) all down my new Milly camisole (so pretty!) God, how much worse could it get! Who cares that this guy was like, so hot and was obviously Californian, my top was ruined! So this jackass completely ignores me, blames me for walking into him and then has the audacity and fugliness to say 'I suppose it was the way you were brought up.' Excuse me? What the hell does that mean!

Okay, the rest of the airport was okay. I had a look around the stupid stores they have. Have you ever noticed that all the people who buy at these stores are the people who are like, the definitions of fug? They only buy Chanel No5 here because they know they're not stellar enough to go out into LA and buy some there. Wow, I'm such a psychiatrist. My Mom once said she thought I understood people perfectly. I do, don't I!

Okay, I got a little side-tracked. Anyway, I'm on the plane and I'm at my seat (window, ew) and suddenly the coffee guy (as in the guy who spilt his fugly coffee down me anyway) sat down and just said 'Hey'.

Hey?

Hey?

What the hell! He just started listening to his I-Pod (through which I could hear The Killers, can you say 'major ew'?) and left me sitting there shocked. Not for long though because then this woman with a toddler sat down. This kid was ugly. I mean fugliest type of ugly. He was butt-ugly. This woman just throws the kid some candy and then _leans_ across coffee guy and goes 'Kids, what can you do?'

She was so expecting a reply and so was coffee guy who was taken aback I'm sure at this middle-aged (old!) woman lying across him. I just said 'Whatever,' and turned away. Like I'm going to talk to her. This may be economy but I have my standards.

So it's just me, coffee guy and fugly family all packed into one row. I was like, so sure that if somebody from my high school would've been there I would be the talk of the school; 'HOMECOMING QUEEN IS A SAD LOSER'. Ew.

Anyway, half way through the flight they bring out the food. Airplane food is so fugly. It's all congealed and disgusting. Anyway, the fugly family plough into their food like it's the first thing they could eat for months. Coffee guy pushed his to the side and turned to face me.

'You don't like it either?'

Okay, maybe I should describe him. He's got brown hair, brown eyes and is tall (when he stood up he was). He's wearing one of those t-shirts that like, holds to every muscle, making it very easy for me to see that he has a very nice body. He's so not fugly anymore.

I manage a 'no' before realizing I sound so stupid.

'No, I hate plane food.'

There, better.

'Me neither. I'm Ben by the way.'

'Madison.'

'Nice to meet you. I take it you're not supposed to be in economy right?'

'How do you know?'

'You have some nice clothes and I've seen you in some magazines and stuff. You know, with Paris Hilton.'

Great. That picture always comes up. Apparently people think we're like, the best of friends. That's so wrong. She's like a porn star almost, ew.

'I was late to the airport.'

'Me too. I'm shooting a movie here in LA. I'm flying back to New York to go do some PR for the new series of my show.'

I knew I knew him from somewhere!

'You're the guy from West Lake Chronicles! I love that show!'

It's true, I do. I sit down every Wednesday to watch it, I'm so addicted.

'Yeah, that's me.'

'You're shooting a movie? That's so stellar!'

'Stellar?'

'My friend Chelsea, she's big on words.'

'Obviously. So, why are you in New York?'

'Life experience mostly. Apart from that, shopping.'

'Sounds…'

But the rest of the sentence is drowned out by fugly lady's kid screaming 'I want candy!' It was so an Aaron Carter moment. The rest of the flight was destroyed by this kid screaming his ass off.

By the time we touched down at JFK all I wanted to do was go to sleep. No, actually I wanted to ban kids and THEN go to sleep. And Ben had to leave early off the plane WITH a bodyguard.

But as I came round the corner of the arrivals lounge, who did I see but the princess of fug herself. And about 3 million members of her fugly family.

Welcome to New York, Madison! Ew.


	4. Black & Decker: Cali Style

Wow! Thanks for all the great reviews! I really want to break 10 so I hope this chapter is up to it. I really like writing both characters and I hope that I'm capturing Mia right. It's hard; I'm not the author so I don't really know how it all should go. I hope you guys like it and if you guys have any ideas for another story (I really need some ideas) feel free to give me them!

**Disclaimer: **As usual, nothing that you recognise belongs to me. I own Madison and a few other characters that will be coming up in the story!

16th March 2005

The Loft

When I saw Madison at the airport only one word came to mind: plastic.

Her hair was that honey blond color that I hate, her nails were acrylic and totally overdone, her clothes screamed 'California'. Her entire aura was that of someone who is too cool.

Of course my entire family (all who completely adore her) practically died at her feet. Mom and Mr G ran over to her and started to question her about the flight leaving Rocky with me. At least I have Rocky; he's gotta be with me on this one.

Oh God, and Grandmere. When she heard that my cousin from California was coming she suddenly got that 'Amelia, tell me about this cousin' thing going. She completely fell in love with her, I am so sure.

Everybody always falls in love with Madison. I remember going somewhere with her and like, everyone totally _fell _at her feet. They looked at me like I was a freak but oh no, for Madison, lay out the red carpet and buy the best of the best.

Suddenly I hear Lilly choking. With laughter that is although one day I wish she would choke. She's been bugging me about a new proposal for the school council deal.

'What?' I said irritated.

'_That's _your cousin?' she laughed, turning like a shade of Lana Weinberger pink.

'Yes, that is my cousin,' I turned to face her. 'Have we not been through this?'

'Amelia!'

Grandmere. Damn, I forgot about her.

'Yes Grandmere?'

'Are you not going to introduce me to your charming cousin?'

Why yes, in a minute Grandmere, I'm busy right now…_dying._

'Amelia!'

The tone of her voice told me meet 'n' greet started now.

We walked over to her. Well, Lilly, Grandmere and I did; Rocky was being carried by Lilly.

'Mia!' Madison shrieked. 'Thank you so much for letting me stay with you and your gorgeous family. Oh my gosh, this must be Rocky,' she cooed grabbing him off Lilly.

Lilly gave me her patented incredulous look.

Yup, that's my cousin. She may look sweet but underneath all that makeup lays an interior of steel and quite possibly gold as well.

'Mia, maybe we should take Maddie back, it's been a long day I'm sure…'

But Mom never got to finish that sentence because Grandmere interrupted.

'Madison charmed to meet you. I am the Dowager Princess of Genovia, Clarisse Renaldo.'

'Your highness, please to meet you,' Madison simpers. God how I hate her!

'How was your flight? First class I presume?'

'Of course your highness. Daddy simply won't let me fly by anything else.

'Wise man, my dear. And please, call me Clarisse.'

And with that they walk off, oblivious to anybody else.

Mom and Mr G (Frank) pick up the million and one suitcases Madison had with her and made their way with Rocky out the airport leaving Lilly and I.

'So,' Lilly says, 'That's the famous Madison.'

'Hollywood it-girl in the flesh. I am so screwed.'

And now, as I sit in my room watching Madison through me the dirtiest of looks while she's on the phone to Shelley I think I'm right. I can see the Black & Decker from her.

Great.


End file.
